i was reading through my journal for 2007. i came across an entry dated April 20, 2007. I was reading it this morning and still sense the relevance of that entry. It speaks to me. I thought I would type out portions of that entry. Maybe it will encourage you as well.
"I wanted to capture some thoughts that I have had from the recent days. It was just over a week ago that my family was going through some personal trials. I was overwhelmed. I recognized my in my heart that I was not happy with this. The thought of life makes me happy. I am a good father. I love being a dad. I was overwhelmed in the area of finances, money, etc. The Lord showed me that my first response was not one of faith but unbelief; not one of excitement but worry. I do not want to respond this way. I was a Zecheriah (New Testament - John the Baptist Dad). I repented. I continue to need to repent. It was a few months ago that God spoke to me about Mary and Elizabeth churches. We may may be giving birth to a movement. At the same time we are Josephs or Zechariahs who need to give leadership. The unbelief of a Zechariah silenced his leadership. My unbelief silenced my leadership last week. How do I declare like Mary, "Be it unto me, according to your word." Holy Spirit I should rejoice in this trial going on inside of me because it's an opportunity for the kingdom of God within to expand it's borders. Psalm 34.8 says, "taste and see that the Lord is good." I was too busy tasting the bitter waters of unbelief. I was focusing on the lack instead of God's promised provision. This feels very rich to me. It's Matthew 12.20-21 where Matt states, "he will lead justice to victory. The nations will put their [trust] hope in him." I need God's right answer for my wrong perspective to lead me to the manifested reality of my victory.
I am also curious as to how prophetic this story may be for me and/or us as a church. Is God wanting to give birth? Yes. Can we give birth? Yes. But is the climate into which revival is birthed one of welfare of risk? Meaning, will I see God move but never build upon that movement with risk and leadership? Will I have a culture of unbelief and doubt? Which, if processed incorrectly leads me to a welfare mentality? Welfare is that which is dependent upon God to meet needs, but I am never empowered to pursue wants that are fostered out of intimacy. God I do not want to give leadership in the spirit similar to what I did in the natural. Shape my heart to a place of willingness, obedience, risk and surrender."
April 20 2007
Let me know what you think of this entry and if you are going through any tests from God. He is no tame lion, but he is good.
Until next time....