Forgiving Others: A Needed Beauty in Ugly Times
There's a beauty that's easy to overlook —one that doesn't announce itself with fanfare, fireworks, or applause. It doesn't trend, but it transforms the human heart, heals families, mends communities, and mirrors the very nature of God. That beauty lies in forgiveness.
Forgiveness isn't a fleeting choice; it's a holy and necessary skill. In the book How to Know a Person, David Brooks says it can be developed like any other. It's not about avoiding pain; it's about choosing love in the midst of it. It's the freedom to release someone because we've been set free.
What Forgiveness Really Is.
Tim Keller describes forgiveness as absorbing the cost of someone's wrong instead of making them pay. We confess the offense, ignore the wound, and resist the urge to retaliate or seek emotional repayment. This is how we imitate Jesus, who bore our sins not by condemning us but by carrying the weight of our wrongs on the cross (Isaiah 53:5; Colossians 3:13).
Forgiveness is never an easy task; it demands a cost.
We relinquish our right to revenge, gossip, and rehearse the offense until we're emotionally drained. What emerges in its place: peace, clarity, tenderness, and freedom.
R.T. Kendall calls this Total Forgiveness. Total forgiveness is not partial or polite but a full-hearted, supernatural release. God enables us to do it. It's when we genuinely wish another person well, even if they never apologize, even if the consequences persist. We cease recounting what they did, stop hoping for punishment, and start praying, "God bless them."
It's not an easy path, but it's achievable.
Forgiveness Is Freedom.
Over the years, through my tears and walking with others, I've realized that forgiveness liberates me regardless of its effect on others.
Here's what we know, it's easy to cling to bitterness, believing it protects us. But it doesn't. It poisons our heart soil and distorts our perception of others. We become self-protective, defensive, and closed off.
David Brooks emphasizes the significance of forgiveness as a skill we all need to learn. It's a necessary piece for a society to flourish. Without forgiveness, we can define ourselves by our hurts, constantly telling the story of pain that has become our identity. However, forgiveness changes this storyline, presenting a more hopeful and wholehearted one where love triumphs.
When we forgive, we assert that pain does not hold the final say; God does. And when He speaks, His words radiate mercy, healing, and freedom.
Let me share some surprising benefits I've experienced and observed in others through the act of forgiving freely:
Clearer Thinking: Bitterness can cloud our judgment, but forgiveness opens our hearts to wisdom.
Better Emotional Energy: Holding onto a grievance is exhausting, but letting go brings new strength.
Healthier Identity: Forgiveness reminds us of who we are, not just what we or others did.
Deeper Connection with God: By forgiving, we join Jesus in His most extreme expression of love (Luke 23:34).
Healing in Relationships: Forgiveness provides more wholeness even if relationships remain unchanged.
Growing Humility: Forgiveness is more fascinated with God's mercy than we are our own pain.
When we forgive freely and live forgiven, we become the people who change rooms without saying a word. This is not because we are perfect but because we have allowed mercy to powerfully work.
How do we practice forgiveness?
Name the Hurt: Don't minimize the pain; tell the truth and invite God into it.
Release the Offender: In prayer, surrender your desire to get even or to be proven right.
Pray and Declare Good Things: Ask God to bless the offender, even through tears.
Repeat as Needed: Forgiveness may require repeated efforts, and that's perfectly okay.
Remain Anchored in Grace: Remember that you are not doing this alone; you are doing it with Jesus, the ultimate forgiver.
The Father’s good news is actively transforming our lives and shaping our experiences and character. When we choose to forgive, we love like Jesus.
Remember, when we forgive freely, we take back our lives—not just the life we had before the wound, but a life transformed by grace, seasoned with mercy, and shining with enduring beauty.
Let forgiveness and mercy have the final word.
— Lance
Photo by Mohammad Rahimi on Unsplash