Episode 16: Conflict and Beauty of Human Relationships - What is Confrontation? - Part 2
Continuing our talk about the beauty of conflict in human relationships, Lance lays out some helpful goals for navigating conflict.
A Map for Navigating Conflict
Matthew 18:15-16, “If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses.”
Matthew 5:23-24, "So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God."
Confrontation: A respectful conversation between two powerful people who address a specific issue, for the purpose of achieving mutual understanding of the issue, leading to building a plan to adjust, so they can better meet the needs of the relationship resulting in the restoration and strengthening of the relationship.
Confrontation is an invitation to strengthen the relational bond.
What are the goals while working through conflict?
Understanding more than agreement.
We don’t communicate head to heart, but head to head or heart to heart.
Use an assertive communication style.
TRex Communication = Aggressive
Goat Communication = Passive
Chocolate covered Dragon = Passive Aggressive
Connection while the conversation is happening.
Anxiety brings out the worst in yourself and others.
Speak the love languages.
What do you hear me saying? (clarity of content)
How is it making you feel? (truth emotions and heart connection)
Call a timeout with a deadline.
Distance to disconnect demonizes.
Distance to create clarity reinforces commitment.
Be prepared to adjust.
What can I do to clean up the mess I’ve made?
Keep a servant’s heart.
Re-inforce your desire for connection, over and over again.
Use “I” statements, not “You” statements.
Prepare for the conversation.
Pray for the conversation and the person you will be conversing with.
Pursue the conversation.
The strength of the connection determines load bearing capacity.
Humility is key.
5 Rules for Self during Communication:
Who will start?
Is there a listener in the room?
Is this a safe place?
Am I willing to tell you about me?
Have we found the needs yet?