i woke up early this morning. 4:15 am! i have been waking up at that hour for many days now. i do know that the Holy Spirit is inviting me to something. honestly, i usually toss and turn until i go back to sleep, but today i knew that God was inviting me to spend some time with him. so i got up, found a worship cd, turned it down low and prayed.
it was very good.
graham cooke shared with us in september that we were in a "and suddenly" moment, in our church and in our lives personally. never a "truer" statement has been said. there are many questions that i have in my heart. many decisions that i am processing. there is much that needs to be transformed and transfigured in my life, heart and leadership.
confession? i over analyze things. i am cautious about the paths in front of me because i am leading with the mind and not the spirit. this gets back to my other post entitled "jump". read that for context with this post. i know i should not be led with the mind and reason, but it is very, very hard. so this morning was sharing those open emotions with my dad and letting his peace rest in my heart. i want to be a peacemaker first, a peacekeeper second.
this morning at 5:00 am i also experience the purest form pleasure i could imagine. i thought about my kids and how truly incredible they are. i love them. not for what they do, but for who they are. are they perfect? no, but they are mine. are they pursuing God the way i want? no, but they are mine. are they studying as hard as may like? i don't know, but they are mine. in knowing they are mine, i know they are HIS. i love them. I told Matt and Sara today that they are a good son and a good daughter. I am glad I have them. As for Luke, he is no less a pleasure. I love the way he is beginning to talk. I love his soft, tender skin, his complexion, his blue eyes, his blonde hair, the way he runs, the way he laughs, the way he says, "Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad" (in rapid succession.) above are a few pics of my pleasure.
i have said lately that the night watches of prayer are the best. if i truly believe that, then i should have more of them at home. i think i will......
until next time.....